Some clichés are very true: Suicide is not the answer.

For some reason I can only write interesting or serious things late at night. So here I am again…

Music: “Black Hole Sun” by Soundgarden (not QOTSA?)

What do you say to someone you barely know, someone that you care about deeply who confides in you that they want to commit suicide? How can a person want to end their life? How can a person be so unabashedly depressed that they finally feel they have nothing left to live for? These questions have been loitering street corners in my brain for the past week or so as I’ve had to worry about another friend of mine contemplating suicide.
You must understand that I actually do understand how a person could want to no longer exist. I am a teenager (for a few more months anyway). I’ve been through some fairly difficult times in my sheltered life and I’ve felt the anxiety and depression that sadly comes with attending high school as an average student. I have hurt myself before and I too have contemplated suicide. On some levels its natural to think about it but definitely not cool to follow through. I however am a rare breed these days when it comes to my generation. I am a positive person. Weird, I know. But for the life of me, even when I felt like I wanted to crawl in a hole until everyone forgot who I was; I never could bring myself to truly consider suicide.
I really don’t think suicide is the answer. As cliché as that sounds, its not. Suicide doesn’t solve anything. It usually leaves the people who knew you (and hopefully loved you) confused and sad for losing you. What really gets me is that killing yourself only proves that you are the weak person you think you are. If you can get through depression and a come out stronger and more alive, then you are ultimately a better person in the end right?
My point is that suicide is not the answer. You may feel like today was the worst day of your life or the last worst day in a bucket of horrible days that is your life but tomorrow is another day. Tomorrow some new and exciting opportunity could lay itself down in your lap and if you had chosen to miss that wouldn’t you be sorry? Tomorrow you may find that someone you haven’t talked to in years could suddenly run up to you for a hug and conversation while you’re out shopping at Kohl’s or some stranger could smile at you and tell you to have a nice day. You never know. Why would you want to throw away these little blessings? We are all here for a purpose. No matter how big or small, we have a purpose.
You may think you know every thought that your parents or your friends may think about you but ultimately, you don’t. The only opinion of yourself that matters is your own. What about the people in your life that you’ve made an impression on and hope to get to know you better some day? Don’t just walk away from these awaiting relationships.
And all I can think left to advise to a person considering suicide is to keep holding on. You’re not alone in this life and there’s always someone you can talk to. If you don’t feel you can talk to anyone, turn to your favorite CD. If you’re a Goth music fan, don’t take any music about death too seriously (it’s probably metaphorical anyway).
When I found out that my mom had broken up with her boyfriend that we’ve been living with for the past nine years (and whom I consider to be a better father than I’ve ever had – even better than my own), I was heartbroken. I didn’t understand how my mom could have made such a huge decision and a huge mistake without putting me into the equation first. I quickly came to realize that it wasn’t about me at all – it was about her happiness (and maybe a little about custody over our dogJ). Anyways, the first couple days were really difficult for me to grasp. I never considered committing suicide because that would only make my mom worse off. Strangely, I never even considered cutting myself. Of all the stupid reasons I cut myself in the past, this wasn’t one of them. But I did need to turn to some of my favorite CDs to help me sleep that first week.
Life is hard. And you’re not the only one living it. For example, I just wrote openly about being a cutter for the first time and I’m sure I’ll hear about this from a few people tomorrow. But it’s apart of living and breathing and feeling. We all make mistakes and I’m no longer ashamed that I did it. So talk to someone before you think you’ve got it all figure out and you think you’re just not ready to live another day with us all on this planet.
Please. If you can’t talk to a friend or your parents or even me, call one of these numbers:

800-273-8255

800-799-4889

These are the numbers for the Suicide Prevention Hotline. When I was lost for words to share with a fairly new friend of mine who was having a hard week, I called one of these numbers for advice on what to say. They’ll link you to a local hotline near you so that you can talk to a live person at any hour of the day.
And if you think that no one cares about you or will want to listen to you, know this: I care about you. Even if I don’t know you and I’ve never met you or even if you’re one of my closest friends, I love you and want to see you happy. I LOVE YOU.

Forgive me if you’re not a My Chemical Romance fan but these are the most beautiful and appropriate words I can find to end this with…

Stand up fucking tall
Don't let them see your back and
Take my fucking hand
and never be afraid again


XO, Leigh