what next...?

nothing i'm changing on the outside is making me feel any better on the inside. i cant figure it out.

i just went for a walk at 11:30 at night and when i got out to the end of my road i realized i was hoping it would be completely and underly quiet and it wasnt. i cant escape my own thoughts for one second like i cant get away from the sound of the road or the bugs chirping outside. i cant sleep because i dont want to dream about what is inevitable and i cant be awake for five minutes without trying to distract myself from what im really and truly ALWAYS thinking about.

nothing im buying or doing or cleaning helps. i cant change the present. all i can do is clean up the things around me hoping that if i look put together on the outside, no one will notice how awful i feel on the inside.

on a lighter note, school starts soon and i cant wait to see holly tomorrow. she will keep me together.

come friendly bombs.

im afraid to really truly be happy sometimes because i know somehow it will just get taken away from me.

for two weeks i was so intensely happy with everything in my life (besides the fact that i missed all my friends, was poor, and was "dating" a guy who was a jerk to me) and now im just bitter and sad and some days i just want to cry all the time and i cant sleep anymore

and i still have feelings for this asshole.

i really dont think that what i want is possible. can people actually be married nowadays and stay together until the end? is there really one person that you can put up with for the rest of your life?

its just so incredibly unfair that i felt SO. STRONGLY. about this one person and he ended up just wanting this one little corner of my being. you cant have that piece of me if you have no desire to be in any sort of meaningful relationship with me. i mean, not since i felt the way i did about him. ugh.

and whats also not fair is how we werent even really dating so no one knew that we were even together at all or that our stupid little relationship ended. no one but one or two of my closest friends knows how badly he hurt me and how big of an asshole he truly is. they still all see him as this nice guy and its not fair that we cant go back to the friendship we had before.

but now i still live with him and i should have really listened to everything that everyone told me not to do before. but im glad i did what i did because now i know what i will NOT tolerate in a relationship.

Cats.

They poop.

I just cleaned up soooo much cat shit from my roommates cat. I'm watching it this weekend and the little bastard poops more than can possibly be healthy. For real.

I need a life.

David Costa on tour with The Banner, Dr Acula, and The Hotness

I've been dying to see this dude David Costa since I started street teaming for him in high school. Well hes finally gotten big enough to go on tour. :)

Thursday June 12th - Chicago, IL @ Beat Kitchen

Saturday July 5th - Chicago, IL @ Double Door

Friday July 11th - Fredricksburg, VA @ The Refuge

Saturday July 12th - Raleigh, NC @ The Brewery

Sunday July 13th - Wilmington, NC @ Lucky's

Monday July 14th - Johnson City, TN @ The Hideaway

Tuesday July 15th - Atlanta, GA @ The Masquerade

Wednesday July 16th - Nashville, TN @ The Muse

Thursday July 17th - Bloomington, IN @ Rhino's

Friday July 18th - LaPorte, IN @ The Next Level

Saturday July 19th - Kettering, OH @ The Attic

Sunday July 20th - St. Louis, MO @ Rockstar Nightclub

Monday July 21st - Louisville, KY @ The Bulldog Cafe

Tuesday July 22nd - Chicago, IL @ Reggie's Rock Club

Wednesday July 23rd - Grand Rapids, MI @ Skelletones

Thursday July 24th - Cleveland, OH @ Peabody's

Friday July 25th - Buffalo, NY @ American Legion

Saturday July 26th - Queensbury, NY @ G Falls Firehouse

on a daily basis

i walk into one of my house's four bathrooms and find that the toilet has not been flushed. this leads me to believe that the only girl i am living with at the moment has not been all the way potty-trained. what the hell??


so i finally cleaned out my fishie's bowl today. im pretty embarrassed to admit this but it hasnt been cleaned out in like a month and a half :( im a terrible fish mom! but really ive been working so much and just havent had the motivation to clean shit. and he uses up all this water (drinks it? evaporates?? hell if i know!) so i have just been putting a big cup of water in it weekly for him. but now its completely clean. thank god. it looks beautiful. poor Bootsy. i suck...

also ive been working on this:



its the second in my jimi hendrix experience through paint. hahah whatever i just made that up. but really, in high school i painted this awesome vibrant colored painting of jimi hendrix and i decided i liked painting a lot and wanted to experiment with black and white as well. well naturally after high school i had a lot going on with college etc. two years later, im FINALLY working on my black and white. im a lot less of a hippie now though so i doubt i will make my third painting a hendrix too.

oh adventures...

so yesterday i went on a little day trip up to pennsylvania to visit my friend and tie-dye some stuff. it was only an hour away. but when we went to get ice cream from this place my car would not start up at all. we ended up jumping it, dying on a street corner, pushing it into a gas station where we jumped it again and drove to my friends house where it died again. my batter was completely gone and it would not hold the teeniest of charges. this was right around the time the whole town closed down so i couldnt leave at all. i layed down 90 bucks for a new battery this morning and drove my ass back home for a shower.

NO MORE ADVENTURES TIL MY RENT IS FUCKING PAID!! but thank god it was only my battery.

i hate when

my roommate goes grocery shopping while im at work. and then after work i stop and get like four things, come home, and theres no room in the fridge for my my milk. how many fucking bottles of juice do you need in there at one time?? do you know how much sugar is in that shit, fatty???


/rant.

also, i woke up to the sound of a bird flying into my window this morning. and then while i was laying there thinking "wtf" another flew into my window. WTF?!

Work

Some stuff we've been doing at work:

Yesterday's shoot with the library...


Todays shoot for "Singing in the Rain"...


My job is kinda cool sometimes...



Oh I also work at Micheals haha...


I seriously need a day off and a nap...

no subject

this new layout is pretty bangin. i mean, it leaves the writer, me, to do all the dirty work; to really color my own writing with interesting bits and anecdotes instead of relying on some spotty premade thing i chose off of the website. anyway, its called "jellyfish". i thought that was fun...

anyway, ive become obsessed with this website:





its pretty fantastic. i wish i had thought of it on my own. haha
well now ive been bombarding my friends to make me mixed tapes. like actual cassette tapes. and they're like "well okay heres a digital one. go to this website." but we all know thats not the same thing! i think one of my friends might actually make me a mixed cassette tape and mail it to me. because shes awesome like that and has fantastic taste in 80's pop music. i probably wont like much of the music on her tape but its the thought that counts really :)

has anyone ever made you a mixed tape? do you listen intently and dissect every song and chord and lyric wondering why they chose THAT particular song to give to you? i do that... some people dont put together mixed cd's or playlists with any thought or rhyme or rhythm. i think thats a waste and/or not possible. you always FEEL like listening to something. you're always in a certain mood and that mood always determines the theme to your mix. or you could be a cool kid like myself and have some sort of theme or message to your mix that you want to translate to someone. i dont know, maybe i just put too much thought into these things. see what this site has done to me!? why dont we make tapes anymore :(

choose an age people.

can this please just be a place where i can throw my words out there and let them be? please?


i am crazy.

Amnesty International at Shenandoah University

This is my final news story for my Media Writing class. Its about the Amnesty International chapter that two of my friends started here at Shenandoah. I'm really excited how this last one turned out. I didnt think I was going to be able to get it to the 500 words I need but it ended up being almost 100 over. Oops! Hope you dont hate my writing but more importanly, I hope you are inspired to check out Amnesty International. Its a good organization that actually gets things done. I tend to support a lot of crazy causes (especially awesome bands, why thank ewe) but Amnesty is a little nearer to my heart because I think we should all care about human rights, no? Anyways, thanks for reading!



Amnesty International at Shenandoah University



With more than 2.2 million members from 150 countries Amnesty International now has its foot in the door at ..:namespace prefix = st1 ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:smarttags" />Shenandoah University. When R.T. Good, Dean of Global Education, contacted fifth year senior Dustin Brandt to take on the leadership role of a university chapter of AI, Brandt was ready to accept the position.

After recruiting the help of fellow student Liz Crawford and registering with the International website at www.amnesty.org, Brandt and Crawford set out to spread news of the Shenandoah University chapter of Amnesty International. They printed out fliers, distributed them around campus, and even made a group on Facebook to get students talking about the first upcoming meeting for the group.

"We've done mission trips, bagged lunches for the homeless. That sort of thing.

For me this all started when I went to a screening of 'Invisible Children' and there were like three people there. I felt like it was a really important film and it changed my life. I was surprised that there were hardly any people there and I realized that this school is very unlearned," Brandt said of his interest in leading the group.

Since the first meeting in early October, the group's numbers have been steadily growing. Each meeting, a human rights topic is discussed, videos are watched, and members discuss various ways of contributing to different causes as well as ways to get more student involvement to non-members.

"I was really excited to get this all started because I've been wanting to do something like this for a while now. Every week we grow. It's very exciting to see how dedicated everyone in the group is," Crawford said.

Currently SU's Amnesty International chapter is focusing on the subject of Habeas Corpus which protects a person against unlawful and indefinite imprisonment. The right to petition for the writ of Habeas Corpus is being practiced in the infamous Guantanamo Bay located off the coast of Cuba, where hundreds of enemy combatants are being held prisoner from the War On Terror. Of the nearly four hundred jailed at Guantanamo Bay, it has been reported that more than a fifth of those prisoners are cleared for release but must wait months to years before being sent anywhere "according to Bush administration officials."

The controversy surrounding this camp is not only when the free prisoners will get to leave and where they will be sent but how the free and guilty are being treated while being detained at the camp. According to Guantanmo Bay detention camp's Wikipedia page, "Red Cross inspectors and released detainees have alleged acts of torture, including sleep deprivation, the use of so-called truth drugs, beatings, and locking in confined and cold cells. Human rights groups argue that indefinite detention constitutes torture."

Amnesty International is an independent organization made up of volunteers from around the world that fights to protect human rights.

The organization, which has helped to free many prisoners of conscience, has a history of getting this done through letting writing. With so many members across the world, when Amnesty decides to jump on a controversial topic, 2 million letters are hard to ignore. SU's Amnesty chapter is holding a Write-A-Thon next Thursday December 6 at 9:00 p.m. Members are invited to choose a prisoner of conscious or a political leader to write one or more letters to in the hopes of igniting a positive change.

More information on Amnesty International may be found at the organization's website at www.amnesty.org. Also a Facebook group was created by Dustin Brandt and Liz Crawford for those interested in the chapter at Shenandoah.



A huge thank you to Basshunter for keeping me motivated to finish this after a long ass night of drinking the night before I had to finish this. LISTEN TO BASSHUNTER!



Vi sitter här I venten och spelar lite DOTA
å pushar på å smeker,
Med motståndet vi leker
Vi sitter här I venten och spelar lite DOTA
å springer runt å creepar,
Och motståndet vi sleepar

XO!

Dearest Leigh,

Stop fucking procrastinating!!

Yours forever and ever,
Leigh

I'm a horrible friend.

But if somebody like him can be get such a wonderful girl, what the hell is wrong with me??

I'm going to hell now. See you later!

Things you can put on popcorn:

salt
cheese
ranch dressing
honey mustard
taco bell sauce

and my personal favorite:
more popcorn

I'm learning so much in college :)

What do you put on your popcorn?

Umm yeah...

So I havent written anything in a while. Whatever! I'm busy damnit!!! But I have gone to some awesome shows. Saves The Day and Circa Survive in the same seven day period. I will not forget that for some time. I REALLYREALLYREALLY wanna go see Underoath on monday but I dont see that happenging :( But I'm definitely going to see Band of Horses next friday so that will be awesome. I adore them. They're like a band of really hot lumberjacks with beautiful voices. lol So anyways, heres whats got me showing off:




So I'm really excited. lol Again... :)

THAT IS ALL FOR NOW!

Fuck yeah!

My name is in Alternative Press for the month of October!!! *DREAMS ARE COMING TRUE*

Go get it!!

Hi

Hi

One Winter

There is this line from a John Lennon song called “Beautiful Boy” that goes “Life is what happens to you while you’re busy making other plans”. (I believe the first version is by John Lennon but I’m too lazy to look it up so whatever!)

I hope that I’m never missing what’s going on in my present while I’m too busy making plans for the future.

I hope I can someday learn to stop stressing out about money and just learn to enjoy what’s happening to me now regardless of the material things I have or what concerts I missed out on.

I hope that one night I stop dreaming about people that I’m not friends with anymore that I don’t know anymore or don’t care about me.

I’m glad I finally did something that was for me that I wanted. Something “careless” you could say. Because people don’t do enough of that these days. And by “people” I mean me.

I never want to have any regrets.

I want to make mixtapes and listen to them in my car that doesn’t have a CD player.

I want to not care if I’m having a good hair day or not because it really doesn’t matter.

I want to be surrounded by my friends and laugh at our inside jokes but still enjoy the quiet time that I always have by myself.

There is something so quiet and peaceful about the silence of snow falling in the winter but I can never help but feel so nostalgic during the summer. Maybe its because I don’t have homework or essays to write. Even working doesn’t seem to bother me anymore because I cherish the time I get with my friends even more.

My favorite song by the Smiths is “Is it really so strange?” because I can’t help the way I feel. The song is very me.

I want a Smiths record. But more than that, I would love a record player.
Until then, I am happy. I love this feeling.

Some clichés are very true: Suicide is not the answer.

For some reason I can only write interesting or serious things late at night. So here I am again…

Music: “Black Hole Sun” by Soundgarden (not QOTSA?)

What do you say to someone you barely know, someone that you care about deeply who confides in you that they want to commit suicide? How can a person want to end their life? How can a person be so unabashedly depressed that they finally feel they have nothing left to live for? These questions have been loitering street corners in my brain for the past week or so as I’ve had to worry about another friend of mine contemplating suicide.
You must understand that I actually do understand how a person could want to no longer exist. I am a teenager (for a few more months anyway). I’ve been through some fairly difficult times in my sheltered life and I’ve felt the anxiety and depression that sadly comes with attending high school as an average student. I have hurt myself before and I too have contemplated suicide. On some levels its natural to think about it but definitely not cool to follow through. I however am a rare breed these days when it comes to my generation. I am a positive person. Weird, I know. But for the life of me, even when I felt like I wanted to crawl in a hole until everyone forgot who I was; I never could bring myself to truly consider suicide.
I really don’t think suicide is the answer. As cliché as that sounds, its not. Suicide doesn’t solve anything. It usually leaves the people who knew you (and hopefully loved you) confused and sad for losing you. What really gets me is that killing yourself only proves that you are the weak person you think you are. If you can get through depression and a come out stronger and more alive, then you are ultimately a better person in the end right?
My point is that suicide is not the answer. You may feel like today was the worst day of your life or the last worst day in a bucket of horrible days that is your life but tomorrow is another day. Tomorrow some new and exciting opportunity could lay itself down in your lap and if you had chosen to miss that wouldn’t you be sorry? Tomorrow you may find that someone you haven’t talked to in years could suddenly run up to you for a hug and conversation while you’re out shopping at Kohl’s or some stranger could smile at you and tell you to have a nice day. You never know. Why would you want to throw away these little blessings? We are all here for a purpose. No matter how big or small, we have a purpose.
You may think you know every thought that your parents or your friends may think about you but ultimately, you don’t. The only opinion of yourself that matters is your own. What about the people in your life that you’ve made an impression on and hope to get to know you better some day? Don’t just walk away from these awaiting relationships.
And all I can think left to advise to a person considering suicide is to keep holding on. You’re not alone in this life and there’s always someone you can talk to. If you don’t feel you can talk to anyone, turn to your favorite CD. If you’re a Goth music fan, don’t take any music about death too seriously (it’s probably metaphorical anyway).
When I found out that my mom had broken up with her boyfriend that we’ve been living with for the past nine years (and whom I consider to be a better father than I’ve ever had – even better than my own), I was heartbroken. I didn’t understand how my mom could have made such a huge decision and a huge mistake without putting me into the equation first. I quickly came to realize that it wasn’t about me at all – it was about her happiness (and maybe a little about custody over our dogJ). Anyways, the first couple days were really difficult for me to grasp. I never considered committing suicide because that would only make my mom worse off. Strangely, I never even considered cutting myself. Of all the stupid reasons I cut myself in the past, this wasn’t one of them. But I did need to turn to some of my favorite CDs to help me sleep that first week.
Life is hard. And you’re not the only one living it. For example, I just wrote openly about being a cutter for the first time and I’m sure I’ll hear about this from a few people tomorrow. But it’s apart of living and breathing and feeling. We all make mistakes and I’m no longer ashamed that I did it. So talk to someone before you think you’ve got it all figure out and you think you’re just not ready to live another day with us all on this planet.
Please. If you can’t talk to a friend or your parents or even me, call one of these numbers:

800-273-8255

800-799-4889

These are the numbers for the Suicide Prevention Hotline. When I was lost for words to share with a fairly new friend of mine who was having a hard week, I called one of these numbers for advice on what to say. They’ll link you to a local hotline near you so that you can talk to a live person at any hour of the day.
And if you think that no one cares about you or will want to listen to you, know this: I care about you. Even if I don’t know you and I’ve never met you or even if you’re one of my closest friends, I love you and want to see you happy. I LOVE YOU.

Forgive me if you’re not a My Chemical Romance fan but these are the most beautiful and appropriate words I can find to end this with…

Stand up fucking tall
Don't let them see your back and
Take my fucking hand
and never be afraid again


XO, Leigh

Happy Friday the Thirteenth!

This is my first tattoo! Done on Friday July 13th, 2007 by a very hot guy at Top Notch Tattoo in Fredericksburg, Virginia. :)
The outline hurt a lot and my foot was shaking. The fill-in felt good because I was pretty much numb by then. I can't wait to get my next tattoo (when I have more money!).

Bring on the pain! Woot!